


Can't Make it Easy

by KatieJackson



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: FTM, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE, LGBT, M/M, Much gayness, Trans, actually, ftm Hamilton, it's almost entirely gayness, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2018-12-13 21:24:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11768685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieJackson/pseuds/KatieJackson
Summary: Alexander (ftm trans) is in his first year of college. It's hard, and the adjustment was harder, but he's starting to get the hang of things and this is his dream. So he's understandably hesitant to spend much time with the flirty customer with the freckles. But, as a mutual friend encourages him to seek happiness outside of work, he tries to make another adjustment to include someone else in his life. Not so easy for someone who's been on his own since he was twelve.





	1. Caffeine Emergency

It was creeping up on midnight dangerously fast-- John had about five minutes to get into the coffee shop and order before they'd be closed.

He flung open the doors to the store, breathing a sigh of relief when they weren't locked already. He knew one of the baristas was notorious for closing before it was time.

"Cutting it close," the boy behind the counter laughed at his dramatic entrance. He was a short boy with inky hair pulled into a low pony tail behind his neck. He was handsome, yes, but a more apt word seemed to be pretty. His features were delicate and his skin clear and his eyelashes were fucking dewy. Damn. He was cute.

"Yeah, sorry, my coffee pot broke and I don't think I can make it through the night without caffeine."

The boy nodded understandingly and put down the plate he'd been drying to stand at the bar.

"What can I get for you, sir?"

John tried to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes and said, "Uh, do y'all still have just like, plain coffee, or have you dumped it out already?"

"We've actually already dumped everything so I can just make whatever you want fresh."

John stared at the barista. He didn't look pissed off at all, which was weird, but he shook his head anyway, "No, you don't have to do that, I don't want to dirty something you've already cleaned, these'll do," he grabbed four, no, five, of the bottles of iced frappuccinos out of the fridge in front of the register.

The barista snorted. John would have been offended if it weren't for the smile on his face when he followed it up with, "It's below freezing out there, no one wants iced anything right now. Besides, I'll just have to restock those which is way more effort than just making a pot of coffee. Is that what you actually wanted or did you want an espresso drink?"

John scratched the back of his neck and said, "Uh, yeah, plain coffee is good. Thanks. And sorry."

The barista shrugged and said, "No need to be sorry, I'm getting paid to be here. If I thought I had somewhere better to be I'd be there."

John nodded and fought back the urge to apologize again as he leaned on the counter, waiting on the coffee.

"So, your accent, where's that from?" he asked.

"Uh, South Carolina. Yours?"

"I have an accent still?" he asked.

John nodded, "It's not bad but you don't sound like the other people from here."

The boy frowned and said, "I'm from this little island in the West Indies. My accent used to be way worse, apparently, my island has almost unintelligible speech to anyone who isn't from there."

John smiled and nodded, then, on a whim, said, "Why would you try to get rid of it? It's cute."

The boy smiled back at him and slid the coffee into the machine, flipping a switch and coming back to the bar where John was.

"It's unprofessional, which is a hell of a lot more important than being cute?"

John rolled his eyes and said, "I doubt anyone would not hire you because you don't pronounce your s's as hard as they do."

"It's not getting hired I'm worried about, it's everything else," he said, "Other opportunities."

John nodded. He didn't really get it but he was also entirely too tired to fight it.

"What size did you want?"

"Uh, how many larges will that pot make?"

The boy stared at it for a moment, cocking his head to the side, then said, "I'm gonna say somewhere between three and four. You really want that much?"

John nodded, "Coffee maker broken," he repeated, "I'm gonna put one in my mini fridge for tomorrow."

The boy nodded and said, "They let you have a mini fridge?"

John laughed and said, "Of course, everyone does."

The boy furrowed his brow and said, "My RA said we weren't allowed to. Made my room mate send theirs home."

John shrugged and said, "I guess they may be against the rules technically, but I've never heard that. Your RA sounds like a hard ass."

The boy shrugged and said, "Whatever, it's not a big deal."

The coffee machine made a sputtering noise then and the boy went to go pour it into cups. It ended up making three larges with what looked like a small left.

"Do you want a small too?" he asked.

John shook his head and said, "I only have two cupholders, there's no way I can get four cups back to my dorm."

The boy went ahead and poured the fourth cup anyway, flipping the warmer off on the machine and balancing all four cups to walk back to the register where he placed the small under the counter. He punched in the coffees and swiped John's card for him, gave him a receipt and said, "I'm on my way out too, someone else is closing, let me carry one of the cups for you."

John nodded and, with a small smile, said, "Yeah, thanks."

The boy disappeared around a corner for a few seconds where John heard a brief mechanical noise and him yelling, "Hasta mañana, frente esta cerado excepto el maquina café"

There was a pause and another, more feminine voice yelled back, "Gracias, hasta mañana Alejandro."

"No problemo."

He reappeared around the corner and grabbed his coffee from beneath the counter, then one of John's and headed for the door, John followed but furrowed his brow the closer he got to the door without picking up a jacket. He was only wearing jeans and a short sleeve t-shirt, there was no way he was getting to walk outside-- but then he did, gesturing John through behind him before balancing the cups to lock the door behind him.

"You don't have a jacket?" John said, more of a statement than a question.

The boy was already shivering when he said, "Didn't need one back home, kind been living paycheck to paycheck since I got here so I haven't had a chance to get one yet."

John was incredulous. He had wrapped himself in a huge pea coat, two scarves, a hat, and fur lined gloves before he even set a foot outside and he had a car-- if this kid didn't have the means to get a jacket he certainly didn't have the means to get a car.

John beeped his car, he'd parked on the curb in front of the shop so they were pretty much there already.

"Get in my car," he said, gesturing to the black Lexus.

"Ah, yes, and I'll also take a real deep breath in that mysterious looking cloth hanging out of your pocket. No thanks," he said, setting the coffee on the roof of the car and hustling away.

John ran after him, shedding his layers as he went and yelling, "Wait, here, take my coat, I have another one at my dorm and I'm driving there so I don't need this one right now."

The boy whipped around on his heels and John started trying to shove the bundle of outerwear into his arms only for him to throw his hands in the air and yell, "Get the fuck away from me! I don't need your fucking pity you little shit!"

John froze. That was unexpected.

"Please, either take the jacket or get in the car," John said, voice suddenly small with the realization that he'd just insulted him, "We've all been there."

The boy scoffed at this and said, "Oh, have we? Because you'll have to excuse me for being under the impression that a, what, nineteen-year-old kid is driving a-- thirty? Or is it forty? --thousand dollar car has always had money for a jacket."

John felt his face warming. It was true. It had just seemed like the right thing to say though.

"Please. I live in Ro-Vil 1, where do you live? It's probably on my way."

The boy smirked and said, "I'm also in Ro-Vil 1. So let that just stew on your mind as I walk the fuck away from you."

He turned back on his heels and started stalking away, shuddering as a stiff wind came.

John frowned and ran after him, coat flung over his arm and one coffee in his hand as he said, "If you do that I'm following you and I'm not putting on my coat."

The boy rolled his eyes and said, "You see, you're making the mistake that I don't want to take a ride from you because I don't want to inconvenience you when what I really want is to not take a pity favor from an ass hole who only wants to use me to make him feel better about himself, so, in case you hadn't caught on, your comfort isn't exactly my priority."

John's stomach dropped and he said, "Fine. You don't have to give a shit about me. But you maybe should give a shit about the fact that you already sound sick and this certainly isn't going to make it any better. And I really doubt you can afford hospital bills or to miss too much class. I'm sure you already know that you can lose your scholarship if your attendance drops below 95%, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you will be fucked squared if that happens to you."

The boy stopped again and stared up at John, glaring, and said, "Fine. But I'm not talking to you."

John rolled his eyes and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you're really personable? I bet not."

That provoked an unwitting laugh that the boy tried to cover, then the remark, "I actually am, believe it or not, when I want to be. I just don't want to be right now. You seem kind of like an ass hole."

John raised his eye brows and said, "Do I? I was under the impression you were deeply in love with me. Though now that I consider it, yes, offering someone a ride is a rather ass-hole-y thing to do."

He arched an eyebrow and sighed, then said, "Do you really not see what you did?"

John beeped his car one more time before they got there, then slid in, taking the coffees off the roof and placing two in the cup holder, then handing the last one to the boy.

"Hold this, please? And no, I genuinely don't understand why you're pissed at me." He turned the key in the ignition and cranked up the heat then continued, "And what's your name?"

"Alexander. And the issue isn't that you offered a ride or your coat, it's how you did it. First you pointed out that I don't have a jacket for no discernable reason, then didn't ask if I wanted a ride but demanded that I get in your car, then did the same thing with the coat, only then even after I made it pretty clear that I didn't want your help, you still tried to push it into my arms. You made it about you, not me."

John tugged at the ends of his sleeves and said, "Uh, sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that."

"I know," Alex shrugged and said, "No one ever does. At least not people like you."

While that comment normally would have made John flare up, at the moment he was just feeling shitty so instead of yelling at Alex he just said, "What do you mean people like me?"

"Spoiled ass holes," Alex shrugged again and John started pulling away from the curb.

"I'm not spoiled. I guess I am an ass hole," John shrugged, turning over the thought in his head, he was pretty hard headed and if that made him an ass hole then so be it, "but I'm not spoiled. My family has money, yeah, but I don't just arbitrarily get what I want."

Alex raised an eye brow and said, "How much was this car?"

John shrugged and said, "I don't know, like fifty something I think."

Out of the corner of his eyes, John saw Alex lean back against the head rest when he said, "My point exactly."

"It's my dad's old car, actually, he was going to donate it but he gave it to me instead since I was going away to college. And I didn't get it until this past year, all my friend got cars for their sixteenth birthdays. I have always had to wash my own dishes and my dad made me mow our lawn-- which for the record is like eight acres --every week to build character. I've never been worried about not having something I need, no, but that doesn't make me spoiled."

Alex snorted and said, "Why'd you have to mow? Don't you have people for that?"

John nodded and said, "Yes, actually, we did. My dad paid them for my labor. They still did all the other grounds maintenance, fixed the fountains, trimmed hedges, kept up with the koi pond and stuff, all I did was mow. My dad really, really didn't want me to be a pussy."

Alex snorted again and said, "That's what belts are for."

"He would agree with you on that point," John nodded.

Alex turned to him and said, "Really? I thought white people didn't do that?"

"Okay, one, I am decisively not white, and two, yes really, he was a big believer in corporal punishment."

John stopped at a stop sign and checked the road then took the moment to turn to Alex and say, "I had a good childhood. I have a good life, period, I'm not denying that. But I'm not spoiled. And I'm sorry for how I acted earlier, you're right, I was being rude."

Alex took a breath and waved, then said, "It's fine, I made a bigger deal of it than I should have. I'm... indignant. About basically everything."

John laughed and said, "Me too," then went back to driving, "So, are we good?"

Alex shrugged and said, "I mean, no, I'm still pissed but I'm not like... murderous or anything which I guess is good. Or at least good enough."

John chortled and said, "Yeah, I guess that's enough."

When they got to the dorm, John parked as close as he could then offered Alex his coat one more time. Didn't tell him to take it, just offered. Alex still turned him down but didn't blow up like last time.

They went inside, Alex still carrying one of John's coffees, and got in the elevator.

"Floor?" John asked.

"Seven," Alex said.

John said, "Same," and punched the button.

On their floor, they both stepped out and headed down the hall. John asked how he'd never seen Alex before and he shrugged, "Only been here one semester. Besides, I spend most of my time at the library or at work."

John nodded and said, "This is my room, thanks for making the coffee, uh, have a nice night."

"Thanks for the ride," Alex nodded back at him and went down the hall to his room.

John collapsed on his bed, setting the coffee on his desk. He had a term paper to work on. That's what had spurred the late night coffee trip. But GOD he didn't want to get out of bed right now. He mostly just wanted to day dream about Alexander and maybe-- thought he wouldn't even admit to himself --jerk off to that thought. He was just so cute, and so passionate, and so interesting.

He enjoyed cultivating mental images of cuddling Alex on park benches, sharing coffees and maybe popcorn from that cute little cart that clubs used for fund raisers sometimes. He bit his lip to try and reign in his ridiculous smile as he imagined waking up to Alex sleeping next to him, still breathing softly, his face relaxed and calm...  
There was a knock at the door. It'd only been about ten minutes, not nearly enough time for John to finish constructing his fantasy world. He groaned and got off the bed, shuffling to the door and swinging it open.

"Hey," Alex said, giving him a bit of a wave, "I, uh, I'm sorry to be an inconvenience but uh, I don't really know anyone else here and, uh, my room mate is having very loud sex right now and the library is closed. Can I crash on your floor?"

John smiled and nodded and stepped out of his way, "Yeah, step on in. Bathroom's right there if you need it, do you want to borrow some pajamas?"

Alex nodded and said, "Yes please."

John fished around the drawers under his bed and tossed Alex a pair of gray flannel pants covered in candy canes and a big red t-shirt.

"There's an extra toothbrush under the sink. The towel on the left hook is clean."

"Thanks," Alex mumbled.

He spent nearly a half hour in the shower, during which time John tried desperately to keep himself from thinking of anything that would lead to a hard on. He distracted himself with redressing his bed and pulling out a sleeve of cookies from the tote under his bed labeled "pantry". He settled in at his desk and began banging out the essay. It was already scaffolded and he had all his transitions written already so all he had to do was write the middle, which proved to be hard enough. By the time Alex got out of the bathroom it was nearly one and he'd only just finished the first paragraph.

"You can have the bed," John said, swiveling around in the chair to face Alex, who looked like he was about to keel over any second. He also looked wildly uncomfortable but John figured that just came with the chronic exhaustion territory.

Alex shook his head and said, "I'm not kicking you out of your bed."

Before John could protest Alex laid down on the bare concrete floor, mumbled, "Thanks again, g'nite," then stopped responding.

John tucked a pillow under his head and wrapped him in a blanket then settled into bed himself. There was no way he was actually going to make any more progress on that essay tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

At five o'clock sharp the next morning, John's alarm went off and he gasped, slamming his hand around in search of the snooze.   
Alex shot up off the floor just as John was rolling over for another five minutes of sleep.  
"What time is it?" he asked, looking around.  
"Five," John mumbled into his pillow, "Sorry, I get up early to run."  
"Fuck, I'm late," Alex spat, tearing off the blanket and stumbling around to room, grabbing clothes and running to the bathroom.   
"What the fuck are you late for at five am?" John called into the bathroom.  
"I have to get up early to get school work done since I have work after school," he said through the door.   
Eventually, the alarm went off again and John got up, stripped and shuffled around looking for clothes. He'd tried to time it so that Alex would walk out on him in his boxer briefs which he knew fit him wonderfully but Alex was taking forever in the bathroom. A solid ten minutes later he reappeared dressed in his jeans from yesterday and the grey long sleeve he'd had under his work polo. He looked even more uncomfortable now than he had last night. He was barely moving his arms and his breathing was shallow.  
"Are you okay? Like, it looks like you need to lie back down," John said.  
Alex shook his head and said, "I'm just a bit, uh, stiff."  
John crinkled his brows but didn't say anything, just nodded. It was obvious that Alex had slept in whatever that thing was called that trans dudes used to flatten their chests and John was pretty sure that was bad but was a hundred percent sure that he shouldn't mention it.   
Alex gathered his things and slung his backpack onto his shoulder.  
John smiled a bit and said, "Good luck with whatever. And you should leave me your number. Y'know, just in case."  
Alex stared, dazed for a moment before he figured out what John was saying and he nodded with a slight smile, "Yeah, just in case." Alex grabbed a sticky note and a pen off John's desk and jotted down his number then said, "I don't text, by the way."  
John snorted and said, "Okay, I can call."  
Alex stuck the note to John's desk and let himself out, leaving John to smile stupidly at himself.  
John had the short boy with the inky hair stuck on his head for the rest of the day. He almost caved before his first class but ended up putting off calling him until lunch. He picked up on the first ring.  
"Hamilton speaking," he said quickly.  
"Uh, Hamilton as in Alexander?"  
"Yes, who is this?"  
"John," he said, sitting down at his normal table in the student center cafe, "I don't think I ever gave you my name, actually, I'm the guy who came in two minutes from close and was a total dick to you last night."  
"Oooh," Alex said, laughing, "Yeah, that dude. Uh, thanks again for letting me sleep on your floor, my roommate is... special."  
John laughed and said, "It was no problem. So, uh, I know the rule is normally three days before asking someone out but I'm impatient so, would you like to go out sometime? Like tonight?"  
Alex laughed and said, "Look, uh, I really would love to but my last class doesn't end till 5:30 today then I have work 6:00 'till midnight after which I am really going to enjoy going to sleep. My schedule is pretty much like that Monday through Thursday indefinitely and I usually work terrible shifts on weekends so the only time I'm usually available is Friday or before 8:00 am."  
John ran a hand through his hair, "Uh, okay, that's quite the schedule. Um, what about tomorrow then? I've got some friends off campus throwing a party but fair warning about half or their parties are just a couple dozen people, an obscene amount of weed and cigarettes, and a box of National Geographics. The other half are more usual house parties though if you wanna roll the dice."  
Alex chuckled and said, "Uh, yeah, sure. That sounds good. Want me to just meet at your room?"  
"Yeah, sure, if you don't mind coming at six we can be there to help set up?"  
"Works for me."  
The next day Alex showed up at his door at five till in jeans and a grey sweater with thin navy blue stripes across the bottom half. His hair was pulled into that low pony tail again. He shifted around under the weight of his army green back pack as John waved him in.  
"I was just putting on my shoes," he said, "Got a new coffee maker if you wanted some before we left? I've got disposable cups. And there's cookies next to it, right there," he pointed to the small cart next to his desk loaded with food and topped off with a keurig and an entire shelf of k-cups.   
Alex wouldn't admit it but it looked like fucking heaven.  
"No thanks man, I'm good," he said, scratching his neck.  
John nodded and grabbed a pair of boots off the ground, pulling them on and tugging on the laces.  
"So, do you party?" John asked.  
"Define party?" Alex asked.  
John wrapped the laces around the ankle and began pulling the laces into a knot, "Drugs. Do you do drugs?"  
Alex chuckled and said, "I draw a hard line at heroin but uh, I assume you mean weed, right?"  
"Yeah," John smiled, starting on the next shoe, "Though it's nice to know you aren't a junkie."  
"In that case, yes, I smoke weed. And cigarettes. And on one occasion meth but that was terrible. Haven't done crack but to be honest it's not a hard no."  
John got up and said, "Acid?"  
"Couple times, cool as shit but had a bad trip a while ago and I'm still a bit put off from it."  
"Molly?"  
"Not yet."  
John nodded and said, "Same. Do you mind if I bring my bong to the party?"  
"Nah man, chase your dreams," Alex waved his hand and rested his arms wrapped against himself.  
John grabbed a backpack off the ground and said, "In that case, we're ready. They have shit street parking though and they're just like a mile away so I was planning on walking. Did you want to borrow a jacket?"   
Alex wanted really badly to say no but he also wanted to be a good sport-- he'd asked this time instead of insisting her take it.  
"Sure," he said, holding out a hand. John deposited a huge puffy black coat in it. As Alex pulled it on he noted that it felt like it was lined with real fur of some type. John pulled a worn but heavy looking denim jacket onto himself and wound a huge knit scarf around him, slung on the backpack, then headed for the door, letting it swing shut behind him.   
On the way they started talking. Alex didn't mention that it was weird that John was a freshman living in a private dorm, or that he had such a nice car, or that he had multiple coats (which was balling on his scale).  
Instead they talked about family, majors, career plans, all the normal getting to know you stuff. Apparently John's family was rolling in money. They grew like a third of the rice in the US or something like that and his father was involved in politics. His mother had recently died-- they were close --and his little sister was engaged at eighteen. Alex hadn't been horribly forthcoming about his past, he'd admitted to John that his mother was also dead but besides that he hadn't said too much about his background. John didn't push it, let him give three word answers to most things.   
When they got to the house a huge guy with biceps the size of Alex's head came out the front door, pulling John into a hug and saying, "Hey little bro, who's this?"  
John shoved the larger man off him and said, "Son the only place I'm littler than you is my arm span. And this is Alexander, he works at the coffee place off Rochfield, you've probably seen him before."  
The large man shook his head and said, "Prolly not man, I don't think I've been in there since freshman year. He's probably on a first name basis with Laf though," he laughed, "I'm Herc by the way."  
"It's short for-" John started only to have one of Herc's massive hands clamp over his mouth.  
"It's short for eat-my-ass you little homo."  
Alex's eyebrows shot up at the slur and John pushed away Herc's hand to say, "He's joking. He doesn't talk like that in public either. He just feels free to give me and Laf shit in private though."  
Alex nodded. He wasn't okay with it but... it could be worse. The guy didn't seem too bad either way.  
"Is he..." Alex trailed off, gesturing towards the giant.   
"Herc's straight as all fuck."  
Alex nodded again.   
"Well c'mon guys, c'mon in, Laf's got a batch of mulled wine going- you drink, Alexander?"  
"Alex," he said, "And yeah, I drink."  
"Good, Laf's like 20% old lady so he makes weird old drinks that haven't been popular in a century but are surprisingly good. Just give the mulled wine a shot, 'kay?"  
Alex chuckled and said, "Yeah, I will," as they walked in, noting that everyone else was already barefoot and shucking off his sneakers by the door.  
When they rounded the corner into the living room Alex saw another giant man. This one, however, had a familiar afro and giant smile. It was Gil, one of the regular at work. He got a large cafe au lait which he insisted Alex made better than anyone else there. Which, Alex thought proudly, was true. He made excellent coffee.  
"Alexandre?" Gil said, smiling at the short man, "I think this is the first time I've ever seen your legs. I did not know you had a bottom half."  
"What can I say," Alex held his arms out next to himself and gestured to his body as he spoke, "Top half, bottom half, all the in between. I'm the full package."  
"That you are," Gil practically purred, then broke out laughing and said, "Come, try this drink, Hercules thinks it is pussy but it is so warming, come, come try it."  
Alex snorted at Herc's full name and followed Gil to the kitchen, John on his heels.  
"You know Laf?" John asked.  
Alex shrugged and said, "Kinda? He's a regular at work. Large cafe au lait. Tips well, coworkers are jealous that he always waits for my register."  
Laf snorted and looked over his shoulder, "That is not the only reason they should be jealous! I am a delight."  
Alex tried to hold back a smile as he said, "He actually is, he's one of my favorites, right after the English prof who leaves me poems on the back of her receipt. He gave me a Christmas card-"  
"Oh my god," John cut him off, "Laf, dude, you gave your barista a Christmas card?"  
"Of course," he waved, stopping to grab cups off the counter, "Alexandre is the love of my life. He makes magnificent coffee and is adorable, what more could I ask. Besides, I like your American cards with the animals and songs, they are cute."  
John and Alex both snorted at that one.   
"Why do you keep calling him Laf?" Alex asked, "I thought his name was Gil?"  
John quirked an eyebrow at Laf and said, "Is that a different part of your name?"  
"Oui," he poured a ladle of steaming, dark red liquid into a cup and handed it to Alex, "My given name actually."  
"You told your barista your first name before you told me?"   
He handed John a cup and said, "Not my first name, my given. My first name is Marie."  
"Whatever," John said, "What's your name?"  
Laf shrugged and said, "Gilbert, not that it was a secret or anything, I give it to him to put on my cup on the off chance that someone recognizes my surname and decides to talk to me about my family. I do not understand why people do that."  
John rolled his eyes at the complaint, psudo-fame seemed a small price to pay for wealth that made even his family's look like a five year old's piggy bank. He tried a sip of the drink-- it really was surprisingly good for something that smelled so weird.   
"Bon, oui?" Laf asked.  
John and Alex both nodded and John said, "Surprisingly tolerable."  
Alex smiled politely and said, "It's really good Gilbert."  
Gil smiled at himself and took a sip of his then said, "Yes, I know. Now come, Alexandre, would you like to meet the others?"  
Alex nodded and said, "Sure."  
"Okay. Everyone is in Hercules' bedroom getting the beer pong table out, John can take you to meet them. I am going to neaten things up in the kitchen. Feel free to use the room once they are done," he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.  
John stared at him in shock for a moment. Alex probably would have said the same if it had been one of his own friends to say that, but since it wasn't he just took the opportunity to laugh it off and go in search of Herc and The Others. After brief introductions to some people John didn't seem to cozy up with like Herc or Laf, they settled in the living room where Herc showed Alex how to assemble and set up his hookah while John watched them.   
The rest of the night was unusually long for John. He enjoyed himself, that was for sure, and kept enjoying himself well into the next day. With his friends constantly jibing at him to sleep with Alex he'd be lying to say he hadn't thought about grabbing Alex and dragging him to Herc's bedroom but he was craving an actual relationship, not a quick fuck, and with Alex's dead-sprint attitude towards life, he was concerned about giving him the opportunity to mistake one for the other.   
So they didn't have sex. They smoked, and smoked, and smoked, and drank, and drank, and drank. And then, when they were both ready to pass out, Gil brought around a bumper of coke and they stayed in the game a couple more hours, playing beer pong, chain-smoking, watching TV, and critiquing National Geographics and each other's works in coloring books. Alex seemed genuinely impressed with John's abilities, which was flattering. When things began to wind down, Gil brought them both huge things of Gatorade to drain before taking them to Herc's room, which he'd filled with candles and literal flower petals-- they didn't look like rose though, they were something unidentifiable, small, and blue.  
"I know my friends aren't subtle but we really don't have to do this, to be quite honest I'm not much a bang-on-the-first-date kind of guy myself," John had mumbled as he shucked off his pants and collapsed onto the bed.   
Alex had nodded, then remembered that he was supposed to speak and said, "Yeah, uh, thanks, I don't really think I want to. If you were looking forward to it though I don't really mind-"  
John waved a hand and gestured Alex over, "C'mere, wanna cuddle."  
Alex obliged, letting John spoon him as he drifted off to sleep.   
The next morning, he woke after just two hours of sleep, stretched, and looked around, mostly sober for the first time in, he counted back, almost twelve hours. That cute boy from work was in bed next to him. SHIT he thought, frantically assessing their situation. He was fully clothed, uncomfortable in his binder but otherwise fine. John was in his boxers though, so Alex figured there was a good chance he'd blown him or something, but he was pretty confident they hadn't fucked, which was good. He also figured he'd turned John down last night so he probably wouldn't be crazy about him, which was okay, relationships-- even platonic -- had proven to be too much for him lately.   
He stumbled out of bed and into the living room to look for his shoes, make an escape before anyone woke up. To his surprise, someone else was already up, Lafayette. He waved Alex over to the stove where he was flipping a pan full of over easy eggs. Six eggs. With three thick slices of toast on the plate next to him. Who the hell ate that much for breakfast.  
"Just got back from a run," he said, "I'm starving. Would you like something for breakfast?"  
Alex shook his head but Gil said, "Non, I insist. When was the last time you ate?"  
Alex shrugged then said, "I think sometime Thursday. Late breakfast. Why?"  
"Because, mon chou, it is Saturday. People need to eat, come now," he went up to the fridge, swinging it open and clicking his tongue as he perused it, "There are more eggs, some oatmeal, I could make a quick burrito, or toast if you need something to soak up the residual shit from last night."  
Alex shook his head and held up his hands, "Really, I'm good, I want to get going before John gets up."  
Laf grabbed a loaf of some strange looking bread from the freezer and popped three slices down into the toaster, pouring Alex a cup of coffee as he said, "It went that poorly? I thought you two were hitting it off?"  
Alex shook his head again, begrudgingly taking the coffee, and said, "I don't know, I don't remember much from last night but I woke up fully clothed and he's in his underwear so I'm pretty sure he wanted something to happen and I did not come through," he tapped his fingers hard against his cup, sloshing it's contents inside.  
Laf took the eggs from the pan and, one hand holding his plate, the other guiding Alex to the table, said, "John is not like that. If you didn't want anything I am sure he respected it. He was probably just uncomfortable in his clothes. I would not worry if I were you, ask him on a second date. Someplace where you can talk this time, he loves the park across from the museum with that row of busts of those old dudes-"  
"The Liberators of Latin America," Alex cut him off, "Not just some old dudes."  
Lafayette rolled his eyes and said, "Oui, that park. You will have fun there, talk, get to know each other. He likes you, mon cher, a lot."  
Alex shrugged and said, "I'm not good with that stuff. Look, Gil, I'm sorry but I really don't think this will be good for either of us. I'm not a pleasant person to date. I never put the other person first and I don't give them the time or attention they deserve and I'm kind of an ass hole. I get that you're trying to be nice but I don't want you to be setting your friend up for disappointment."  
Gil shook his head and said, "You think you are selfish? Alexander, you remember the first time I came into your store?"  
"Yes," Alex sighed, "But that's different, it was a one-time thing, no promise of being emotional support in the future-"  
"I was a stranger," Gil cut him off, laying a hand on his arm, "And I was acting more or less normal, just a bit jumpy, and you took your break early, left your register, and got me to sit down and talk. And then you did it again, and again, and again. Every time I came in. It took two months for me to finally tell you what was going on and when I still refused to leave him you kept doing it until I did. And you gave me information and made calls on my behalf and took care of me. I would not be surprised if you spent days worth of your time one me. A stranger.   
"You are not selfish, Alexander," Gil shook his head, "You are a wonderful person and John is lucky to have you interested in him."  
Alex frowned and said, "That's different, I had a personal interest in that. I don't have a personal interest in, like, how much time I spend around a partner. School will always come first, work will always come first-"  
"Alexandre," Gil said again, this time grabbing his chin and forcing him to make eye contact, "Look, you are not selfish. Dedicating time to your career and well being do not make you selfish. When other people need you, even if you have no responsibility to them, you take care of them, even at a substantial inconvenience to yourself."  
Alex turned the thought over in his head. It made him feel a bit better, a bit less like an ass hole to remind himself that he did go out of his way to take care of other people with relative frequency.   
Gil got up to retrieve Alex's toast bringing it to the table with butter, jam, and a knife, then sitting back down. He didn't break the silence, or comment that Alex owed him a response, just allowed him to think until he settled his thoughts.  
"Okay," Alex whispered, "But... how do you do that?"   
"Do what?" Gil perked up at the sound of Alex agreeing with him.  
"Ask him out, I've never done that before."  
Gil tried to reign in the massive smile threatening to split his face.  
"Hm, well, if it were me I'd go with something elaborate and showy but I am under the impression that is not yours or John's thing... you can write, non?"  
Alex nodded, "I do alright for myself."  
Gil rolled his eyes and said, "So you're like, a fucking Shakespear or something. Yeah, write him a letter, leave it in his shoes, go about your day. You work today, non?"  
"Yeah, four to close."  
"Get some sleep before then. Finish breakfast and eat lunch. I will bring you dinner, what time would you like to take your break?" Gil put the toast in his hand as he spoke.   
Alex took a bite and thought, "I guess eight if that isn't too late."  
Lafayette nodded and said, "Oui, I will bring you something warm and let you know what John thought of the letter."  
"Thanks," Alex whispered.  
Lafayette kissed his cheek quickly and said, "May I drive you home? It's freezing out, even with a coat."  
Alex shrugged and said, "Yeah, sure. Do you live here?"  
Gil shook his head and said, "Non, though I spend a lot of time here. This is Hercules' house. He used to live with me in this little house I bought out in the woods but moved out at the end of last school year when George moved in with me."  
"That's right, I forgot you lived in the woods," Alex went to pull on his shoes and jot down a note for John, which he refused to disclose to Lafayette.   
"Ready?" Gil asked.  
"Yeah, you?"  
"Born ready," he said, grabbing the smaller man by his shoulders and walking him to the door. "You should come over some time, have a conversation for real. I would like to get to know you better, independent of John."  
Alex shrugged and said, "I'm good with that. Fair warning though, I'm an unapologetic workaholic so my schedule is fucked to hell."  
Gil laughed and beeped his car, then said, "I think I will manage. You have not seen the amount of drugs I can take."  
Alex was briefly concerned but brushed the thought aside quickly. Gil wasn't an addict, he would have said something if he were. Gil trusted him, for some reason.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to draw your attention to the fact that Sweet Little Alex has been at this school for over a semester and the closest "friend" he has is the customer he cursed out a few minutes ago. 
> 
> I would also like to draw your attention to the fact that Sweet Little Alex, who has been taking care of himself for the better part of his life, must have been DYING asking said customer for help.


End file.
